We Are Responsible For What We Say, Not What Others Understand

Although we put our heart into it, if our interlocutor does not share our opinion and does not want to understand what we are let’s say, communication will be impossible and we will have to resign ourselves, always with respect.

Communication is not easy. What we say is sometimes misinterpreted because our interlocutor has his own view of things and instead of listening, he is content to respond. We are only responsible for what we say.

Categorizing reality before understanding it and speaking before listening to the person in front of us are very common mistakes in communication.

This is why when we have tried to clarify something but are tired of having to give an explanation without understanding, it may be better to agree to stop spending your energy and strength on something that has no solution.

We are only responsible for what we say. We have to think about this.

We are responsible for what we say

The first condition for the communicative process to be effective is respect.

However, everyone has noticed that not all communication processes work this way.

There are people who prefer to raise their voices thinking that they will be heard better.

Others are unable to maintain eye contact, which would allow one to feel empathy for the other, and which would lead to a more harmonious conversation where both parties listen to each other.

Let’s analyze all these aspects in more detail.

Communication styles we grew up with

The communicative style that we received in our childhood and our youth carries a great weight and can lead us to take this or that direction.

• The authoritarian style, for example, is that type of dialogue where, instead of listening to what we say or anticipating needs, we establish a one-way communication.

Authoritarianism does not know dialogue, listening or empathy.

It is limited only to ordering. All this makes the child may think that what he is thinking or feeling is not important.

• Conversely, a communicative style opposed to the previous one is democratic and effective communication. It is one in which there is reciprocity, attention, respect, listening and an adapted interpretation of the messages perceived.

The person who, from childhood, is educated with this style of communication where needs are listened to and where every word is considered important, grows up with greater security and better self-esteem.

It is important to learn to listen to “what is not said”

When we talk about the importance of learning to listen to “what is not said” too, we are mostly referring to empathy, a quality that not everyone has.

• Sometimes a sentence is more than a set of words with a defined meaning. The speaker’s expression, tone and body language define this type of non-verbal communication. Sometimes this carries more weight than verbal communication.
• We have come to a point where fewer and fewer people look each other in the eye when they talk to each other.
  Often, this non-verbal communication is replaced by emoticons, since a large part of our conversations take place on e-mail.
• It is important to cultivate face-to-face conversations where the gaze is wise, intuitive and close.
  It is the most important pillar of communication, because communication is above all about projecting emotions.

Stop giving explanations to those who only understand what they want

There are battles that we must give up, even though we have committed our souls to them. Even though this act of acceptance involves understanding that even the people who love us the most cannot always understand us.

• Sometimes the dialogue goes well beyond affects and even emotions. We are already talking about values.
• We are thinking, for example, of the case of a family, of parents who do not understand that their child has chosen a particular spouse.

You can talk to them about love, genuine affection. Yet all of these pillars will be meaningless to people who are obsessed with “what will be said”. Again, we are responsible for ourselves, for others.

Of course, there are thousands of different cases, more or less serious. Sometimes what we say is of no use to us in the face of those who do not listen to us or want to build bridges of understanding, respect and affection.

Therefore, instead of struggling in unnecessary disputes, there will be no other remedy than to accept the positions of others. You must also understand that communicating does not necessarily mean being able to understand each other at all costs. We are only responsible for ourselves.

On the other hand, we must remember that respect must always be present, in all circumstances.