Promises Of Change To Save Your Marriage
In general, promises of change are nothing more than empty words that the other tells us to convince us not to give up. Even if it seems selfish, we have to think of ourselves first.
Have you ever made promises of change to get someone back? Have you ever had one?
This happens when the fear of a breakup becomes reality and we refuse to accept it. The most curious thing is that in this concrete case, where the promises of change are present, the best thing to do is precisely to break with the spouse in question.
Why ? Because this request is often an attempt at manipulation.
Promises of change so as not to lose the other
Say the person you were with has been unfaithful and you’d rather break up for your own sanity.
- Your partner, in despair, is trying every way to make you understand that it was a mistake and that they are going to change. Promises of change springing from his mouth in search of approval.
- He will kneel down if necessary, drag himself to the ground and all this will cause the emotions of grief and compassion to be activated in you. Sometimes it will have its little effect and you will give it a second chance.
However, it is not a question of changing, but of being aware that, despite all the promises of change that are made to us, these are promises made hot, that is to say, in an attempt to save what we have.
What does that mean ? That this promise will not last long. And even, just when we give it a second chance, maybe everything will go back to how it was before.
The situations in which we make these promises of change are diverse: differences, lies, compatibility problems, lack of love …
In the face of all this, the person who is afraid of losing the other or who does not take responsibility for what is going wrong in the relationship is trying to get a second chance, no matter what, with promises full of manipulation.
Selfishness in Relationships
Often times, we don’t want to realize what all is wrong with. We don’t want to focus only on what we want and that’s why we’re willing to sacrifice our own well-being and that of the other person.
This often happens in cases of emotional dependence. The promises of change, then, are very present so as not to lose what is the object of addiction.
We are selfish. We bond with someone while feeding our venom and dragging the other with us.
We cannot promise something if we are not sure we can make it happen. How can we be sure that this will be the case? By acting, doing and stopping promising in vain.
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Because promises deceive others and even sometimes deceive ourselves.
Maybe our intentions are good, but are we sure they will get there? We don’t deserve this. We don’t deserve to be lied to and we shouldn’t do it with others.
The prolongation of pain over time
Promises of change can prolong a painful situation for a very long time.
This is why it is important not to get carried away by them, to be objective and realistic. It’s difficult, but why not listen to those who advise us just the opposite of what we want and whom we call weird?
More than once we have heard “You shouldn’t go on like this”, “Why don’t you leave him / her?” “Why continue this relationship?”
We do not want to listen to everything we are told because we are confused and therefore we do the opposite. But, with time, with distance, we realize the reasons why all these people told us this.
Family, friends, brothers and sisters show us the path we must take, without insisting too much, without forcing ourselves to do anything.
But, in our inertia, we face these promises of change that will never come true.
Let us open our eyes to the traps, do not let ourselves be carried away by compassion and grief. If it’s necessary, let’s take a moment.
No one is forcing us to make a decision now. Let us give ourselves the time necessary to see the situation from another point of view, more clear and precise.
Main image from © wikiHow.com; Illustrations: Paula Bonet
